Rated D - Oscar Edition

Welcome to a Special Rated D Oscar Edition!

With Hollywood’s biggest awards show just hours away, I wanted to bring you some of my picks from 2012’s year in movies.  From Historical flicks and bio-pics to Broadway song and dance and bipolar romance, it’s been a lot of fun.  Below you will find a list of my favs or perhaps just some inevitables!

Best Picture:  Argo

But Maybe…:  Lincoln

Everything about “Lincoln” looks and sounds great and there is no shortage of fine performances, but I bet “Argo” will take home the gold.  On top of it being a suspenseful ride with an incredible plot and a sharp screenplay, it is about Hollywood saving lives and outsmarting terrorists.  “Lincoln” was excellent and “Silver Linings Playbook” was one of my personal favs of the year, but like they say “Argo” big or “Argo” home*.

*From the Corrections Department:  No one has ever said “Argo” big or “Argo” home.

Best Director:  Steven Spielberg

But Maybe…:  Ang Lee

This one is a tough call, primarily because Ben Affleck should be winning for “Argo”, but it’s probably safe to assume that Spielberg will collect his third statue for “Lincoln”.  He spent more than a decade struggling to make this picture and it was worth it, but Ang Lee, who won in 2006 for “Brokeback Mountain”, hasn’t been counted out yet for his visually stunning “Life of Pi”.  Again, David O. Russell deserves the acknowledgement for “Playbook”, but I don’t think he will be able to wrestle the statue away from his competitors.  But don’t feel too bad for, Ben.  Even though Spielberg’s epic has garnered a whopping 13 nominations, I’m sure Affleck will be Garner-ing some awards of his own tonight, if you know what I mean. 

Best Actor:  Abraham Lincoln

But Maybe…:  That Daniel Day-Lewis Guy

Yeah, there is no maybe.  Daniel Day-Lewis’s transformation into the 16^th President has cast a huge shadow over his very worthy nominees and he will most certainly be collecting his third Oscar for Best Actor this year.  Perhaps in another year Bradley Cooper, Denzel Washington, and Joaquin Phoenix could’ve had an interesting race, but unless Tortoise and The Hare rules still apply at The Oscars we probably won’t see any big surprises in this category.

Best Actress:  Jennifer Lawrence

But Maybe…:  Jessica Chastain

Jessica Chastain has had some great roles over the past couple of years, but my money is on Jennifer Lawrence who continues to boggle my mind.  After her forgettable performance in “The Hunger Games” just months earlier, Lawrence turned around blew audiences away as a grieving widow in “Silver Linings Playbook”.  It isn’t 100% though… Chastain and Lawrence both won Golden Globes just weeks ago so it isn’t quite a sure thing.  In the unlikely event of a tie, either Chastain will have a dance off or Lawrence will have to take on Seal Team Six.  Hey, I don’t make the rules.

Best Supporting Actor:  Tommy Lee Jones

But Maybe…:  Christoph Waltz

As a politely lethal bounty hunter in “Django Unchained”, Waltz stole the show, but I think Tommy Lee Jones might take home his second Academy Award in the same category since winning in 1993 for “The Fugitive”.  Both actors delivered excellent performances this year, but Jones’s stone-faced, radical abolitionist will probably win over the pleasant sharpshooter dentist, played by Waltz.  Plus, as I’ve said before, Waltz’s character was very similar to the “Jew Hunter” from “Inglorious Basterds” for which he won the Oscar just a couple of years ago and although both performances were great, I don’t see the Academy rewarding him twice for it.  If anything, Robert De Niro who impressed as an OCD gambler could surprise us with his third win.

Best Supporting Actress:  Anne Hathaway

But Maybe…: Hell will freeze over.

Anne Hathaway about her… don’t know what it is… but The Oscars can’t go on without her… As much as I did not care for the three hours I spent watching “Les Miz”, I might have to watch it again to understand what it is that made everyone go crazy for Anne.  Typically in America, we watch someone tell some sad story about their life, then they struggle to sing a song, shakily and often crying, and then we laugh as a British guy says “That was the worst thing I’ve ever heard” or a Producer says “Nah, I wasn’t feelin’ it dog”, but on “French Revolution Idol” we give them Oscars.  I can understand what people like about her performance, but I just didn’t catch the same Fantine Fever.  Get it?  Cause she dies of Tuberculosis.

Best Animated Film:  Wreck-It Ralph

But Maybe…: Brave

This one could really go either way.  Pixar stayed solid this year with the always amazing animation of “Brave”, but Disney Animation won me over with the story of the secret lives of video games in “Wreck-It Ralph”.  If we’re just basing it on the animation, the breathtaking landscapes of Scotland and Princess Merida’s wild, tangled mess of red hair probably have it all locked up, but, as a whole, I felt like the story was lacking a little (which is usually something Pixar does amazingly well).  “Wreck-It Ralph” on the huge, smashing hand not only had a hilarious script and a lot of heart, the story was fresh and fun and the clever nuances made it fun for all ages. 

Best Original Screenplay:  Django Unchained

But Maybe…:  Zero Dark Thirty

Mark Boal, who won the same award for “The Hurt Locker” in 2010, is nominated again for his behind the scenes look at the epic hunt for Osama Bin Ladin while the Vicar of Violence and King of Retro Cool, Quentin Tarentino, is looking to pick up his second award for the story of a slave turned bounty hunter in pre-Civil War Era South.  “Zero Dark Thirty” is as interesting as it is informative, but my favorite of the nominated films goes to “Django Unchained”.  The comedy, action, drama, and cartoonish violence blend perfectly together and works even against the disturbing period of American History in which the film takes place.

Best Adapted Screenplay:  Argo

But Maybe…:  Lincoln

Both bring stories of real Americans, some legendary and some otherwise unknown, but Chris Terrio’s “Argo” based on CIA Agent Tony Mendez’s The Master of Disguise and Joshuah Bearman’s article Escape from Tehran is my pick.  Pulitzer Prize winner Tony Kushner’s wonderful “Lincoln” based on the book A Team of Rivals could still pull out a victory, but odds ARe GOod for “Argo”.  Nailed it!

So there you have it!  Either way, it was a good year for movies and that makes me smile.  Sure I talk about movies and entertainment a lot but I think it’s just as important to society as enjoying sporting events, reading books, and visiting museums.  Sometimes they are just to take our mind off of a difficult world for a couple of hours.  Sometimes they challenge us to examine the world in which we live.  And sometimes they aim to educate us through a visual medium.  And perhaps the most important lesson we’ve learned this year is this:  Ben Affleck is the man.  That’s what I’ve been saying.

Enjoy the show!

Rated D - Warm Bodies

To be or not to be… or to be zombie?

That is a question… right?

Welcome Back to Rated D!

This week we triple checked the title, made sure that we hadn’t accidentally stumbled into an X-Rated Theatre, and strapped in to see the new flick "Warm Bodies".  SPOILER ALERT:  In a post-apocalyptic future where the undead outnumber the living, a shy, young zombie falls in love with a human.

In a post apocalyptic world where humans and zombies are literally divided by a massive wall, it’s good to know that one thing still unites us.  Is it the need and longing for community of those who are similar to us?  Perhaps.  Is it the need for tolerance and acceptance of others regardless of how wildly drastic our differences are?  Possibly.  Is it powerful effect love can have on each and every one of us?  Please!  No, no, my friends.  The one qualifying factor, the great equalizer, the untearable thread that ties us all together is this:  No Cell Phones.  As the credits rolled and the theater slowly illuminated, I realized that this was the first time I had been to a movie since… I don’t know when… that I was not distracted by a muffled pop-song ringtone, a cheesy notification sound effect, or (the most irritating of all) a glowing object with Facebook, Twitter, or a text message in the center, seizing my attention and drawing me to it like a moth to some brightly burning object like a… uh… moth torch.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying technology is evil (…yet…) and, sure, being able to reach anyone at any time can be a virtual lifesaver these days, but last I checked no one sends an S.O.S. via Pintrest.  Out of respect for my fellow moviegoers, I put my phone on vibrate in case of an emergency and  if I do need to check the time, I try to shield the glow with a hand or my jacket, but other than that half a second, it stays out of sight.  In return, I just hope we can all wait until the end of the movie to play Words With Friends.  After all, the person you’re playing against is probably cheating anyway.  I mean, “zyzzyva”?  Yeah, I’m sure you just pulled that one out of thin air, Brenda!

The plot of this movie sounds like a bad joke or like someone lost a bet during a conversation about “Twilight”.  Ok… ok… girl falls in love vampire!  No, werewolf!  No, zombie!... eh, that’ll never work… I mean, come on!  Even if we’ve experienced an influx of zombie culture over the past decade it still doesn’t change the fact that there are certain… undesirable qualities those brain munchers have that are hard to look past to say the least.  For example, looking past rotting flesh and flesh-eating isn’t exactly Tom Hanks seeing past Darryl Hannah’s fish legs.  But oddly, and that is definitely an understatement, this one turned out to be pretty good!

We begin our story with two not-so-quite-alike-in-dignity “households” in Post-Apocalytica where we lay our scene, following a shy young zombie, played by Nicholas Hoult (About A Boy, X-Men: First Class), who goes by R (since he can’t remember the rest of his name).  With memory issues like that and other hardships like, ya know, being dead and all, he still strives to find something more out of life… or death… unlife?  The likable Hoult ably takes on the task of making this monster a little more humane, winning us over with his quirky personality and hilariously, innocent narration.  Even though he and his zombie buddies like the excellent Rob Corddry (Butter, Hot Tub Time Machine) can occasionally muster up a word or two, the script wisely borrows from the book on which it’s based and lets us hear R’s inner monologue.  For the most part he just laments about his stagnant status quo which consists of hoarding trinkets like vinyl records (which make the music sound “more alive”) and only leaving his airport hangar home to find food in the form or flesh and, of course, brains (which are “the best part”).  On one such hunt, R and his zombuddies overtake a group of humans on a pharmaceutical raid where R meets a headstrong, young soldier named, Julie, played by Teresa Palmer (Bedtime Stories, I Am Number 4).  I have to say, it’s a dicey move having us watch our main character attack and literally eat someone and still root for him to get the girl, especially when the victim is her boyfriend, but somewhere between R’s narration and the “kill or be killed” circumstance, you kind of give him a pass.

After rescuing her from the being eaten by the rest of his hungry pack (what a guy!), R and Julie return to his airplane haven and begin the most unlikely relationship which may be strange, but if you’re still watching the movie by this point, you’re suspension of disbelief is probably still intact.  Outside, ravenous staggerers wander aimlessly about and decrepit, skeletal monsters known as “bonies” lurk in the shadows, but inside, despite their differences, Hoult and Palmer make an attractive couple in an awkwardly hip sort of way.

 

In movies more based in reality, it is easy to find threads to pull at until the movie unravels, but the moment you went to see a movie about creatures that don’t have a heartbeat but can still eat and think, let alone walk around, you kind of have to be willing to accept anything.  For instance, there’s a unique (albeit absurd) device that the movie employs where if a zombie eats a person’s brains, they can see their memories through their eyes and actually feel the feelings as if they were their own.  Now, I’m no brain-studier-ologist or nothin’, but that seems like some good ol’ solid science-fact to me!

On one hand, I want to praise the movie for its originality.  On the other hand I feel like it should be noted that it is just as much of an adaptation of “Romeo and Juliet” as “West Side Story”.  On a third hand, I’ve just had a brilliant idea for “Dead Side Story: A Zombie Musical”.  And on a fourth hand, I only have two hands.   Surprisingly, putting a fresh new spin on an old story and without taking itself too seriously or overfilling it with too much drama-drama-drama, Director Jonathan Levine (50/50) brings this fun little undead story to life that actually has some genuine emotion and some heart... and I ain’t just talking ‘bout the ones gettin’ eatin’.  Nailed it.   

D's Recommendation – 3.5 out of 5 – And They Say Romance is Dead.

D's LIST

To Celebrate February 14^th…

"You Gotta’ Have Heart!"

Movies about Heart Transplants!

1.  Dirty Work (1998) – Matter of the Heart: To afford a heart transplant for their father, two sarcastic slackers start a business where they get revenge on your enemies for you.  So maybe this movie isn’t the greatest and sure Norm MacDonald isn’t gonna win any acting awards… especially since they don’t give out acting awards fifteen years after a movie came out… but there’s still something fun about this crude, vulgar comedy.  Some hilarious lines, ridiculous pranks, and even one of the last appearances of Chris Farley help this one stay afloat.

2.  John Q (2002) – Matter of the Heart: After his son’s heart problems and medical politics exhaust his options, John Q. Archibald takes an emergency room hostage until they agree to perform the operation.  Denzel, as the father, is as good as usual and what wouldn’t a man do to save a member of his family?  Certainly he’d rip off that two part episode of “Chicago Hope” that focused on the exact same situation.  Still, some smaller ideas get expanded on the big screen, but the melodrama in this intriguing, moral vs. ethics story saturates the plot a bit too much… as you might have guessed from the cheesy title.

3.  21 Grams (2003) – Matter of the Heart:  The intertwining stories of a struggling ex-con who accidentally kills a woman’s two children and husband (whose heart is given to a depressed, dying teacher). All his theories he’d be preaching and in his classroom he’d be teachin’ if he only had a heart!  Hey!  If you felt terrible after “Babel”, you’ll have a much harder time stomaching this one!  Yes, the acting from the terrific cast including the tortured Benicio del Toro (ex-con), the heart-breaking Naomi Watts (widow), and the hopelessly lost Sean Penn (Tin Man) is top-notch (Top notch?  Ok Grandpa) and the wicked, woebegone web weaved is worth the watch, but, man oh man, be prepared to be miserable. 

4.  Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (2008) – Matter of the Heart:  Dr. Jones gets wrapped up with a cult that practices human sacrifice by tearing out people's hearts before destroying the body.  Ok... so I ran out of movies about heart transplant that I had seen or hadn't already reviewed!  I had a eloquently written review of "Seven Pounds" but ages ago I used it during my "Shakespeare Inspired Titles" D's List so it was off limits.  Every man's gotta have a code.  To some purists, this movie gets a bad rap for being too hokey, but growing up with it, I always had fun watching it!  

5.  Smokin’ Aces (2007) – Matter of the Heart:  When a million dollar hit is made on a slimy Vegas entertainer, assassins of sorts besiege the Lake Tahoe hotel where the FBI is hiding him to get his heart.  What starts off as a uniquely stylistic, “True Romance”-like ride loses its sense of humor and pace, reaching a dizzying ending that still can’t make you care about any of the characters.  There’s lots of potential, but most of what it amounts to are crazy scenes (that are a little fun to watch) and over-the-top performances that would be fine if the story didn’t suddenly try to become so serious.

Rated DVD –

Flight –

In a decimated hotel room filled with empty bottles and littered with drug paraphernalia, a naked woman searches for her clothes amongst trash while a disoriented man argues with his ex-wife on the phone before snorting a line of cocaine.  And then he flies a plane.

Hey there, Terrifying!  I thought that was you!

As if matters couldn’t get worse, suddenly in mid-flight the plane goes into a nosedive and now rests in the stoned hands of Capt. Whip Whittaker, played by Denzel Washington. 

Oops, excuse me, Worst Nightmare!  I thought you were someone else!

After the crash, an engaging story of substance abuse, alcoholism, and the power of denial begins to unfold as the National Transportation Safety Board begins to investigate the crash and Whip begins to fear for his future (even though he should be focusing on his present).  Although his actions saved lives, a handful of people know he was under the influence at the time of the crash and, like most addicts, his attempts to quit cold turkey often result in an incapacitated failure. 

“Flight” is nominated for both Best Original Screenplay and Best Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role at this year’s Academy Awards and it’s not much of a surprise.  Personally, I don’t think the always great Denzel will be able to wrestle the statue away from Daniel Day-Lewis (or Bradley Cooper even), but he is solid as per usual.  Also, I did enjoy the intriguing character-driven story (moreso than the dialogue), but although it was good, it’s not my number one pick for the Oscar this year.

Next Time on Rated D...

Side Effects – Twisty turns in the world of pharmaceuticals and therapy… finally!

Rated D - Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

Ding Dong the Witch is D’d!

Welcome Back to Rated D!

Once upon a time… we followed a trail of popcorn crumbs to the alluring candy covered counters and into the dark theatre to see "Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters".  SPOILER ALERT:  The classic fairy tale siblings have grown up to be bounty hunters and must save a small town being terrorized by witches.

“What’s in a name?  That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet…”  That applies here, right?  I mean, come on!  When I first saw the title “Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters”, I literally peed in my pants with excitement.  Next, I looked up the word literally and realized… I forgot to pay my electric bill.  Still, incontinence or not, movies with weird titles or weird plots could easily be disregarded as a ridiculous waste of time… and if they always were, we might’ve never wound up seeing things like: “Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb”, “Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire”, “City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly’s Gold”, or “Rudy”.  I guess what I’m saying is, just because a movie has a weird or even ridiculous title, there’s always a chance it could be the best movie of the year… or maybe even your lifetime… that’s right… and you wanna’ know what else?… This one… sucked big butts.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I believe everything I said above, but that doesn’t change my opinion that this movie was a huge missed opportunity!  You get everything you need from the title:  Hansel & Gretel (Hey!  I know those guys!)… Witch Hunters (That’s what they do for a living!).  It’s a great idea.  We love twisted fairy tales and why shouldn’t we?  After all, we know the characters, we know their story, and we know they’re villains, but we as an audience also like to have some shred of mystery… so retelling and tweaking classics helps us have our cake and modernize it too.  But, alas, with great movie idea comes great responsibility and unfortunately this one doesn’t live up to its end of the bargain.

After showing us the story we know (for-the-most-part), to kick things off, we jump years into the future to the small town of Augsburg, from which the children are mysteriously disappearing, presumably by the evil hands of witches.  When there’s something strange… In the spooky woods…  Who you gonna’ call?  Witch Hunters!  Cue Hansel, played by Jeremy Renner (S.W.A.T., The Town) and Gretel, played by Gemma Arterton (Rockn’Rolla, Quantum of Solace)!  The two strut into the German town with nothing but a bagful of futuristic weaponry (…alright…), American accents (…loving it…), anachronistic dialogue (…here we go!), and a lukewarm script that does nothing to help them out (…<insert your own onomatopoeia for ricochet here>....).

Ok, enough of the lead ups… Not that the direction was great or anything, but I couldn’t help but feel like someone had spent a good chunk of time coming up with a decent enough mythology and acceptable back story for Hansel and Gretel in a period-parody, and then had completely neglected the dialogue!  Somehow, Renner and Arterton are both leather-clad and completely committed while only simply striving for the same subpar statuses of the stars of last year’s “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Slayer”. While the costumes and scenic elements are spot on and more than satisfying, the script gives the actors almost nothing to work with inserting boring-recycled-dialogue-in-what-relies-on-a-fresh-take-story-I-say-gritting-my-teeth and ever-so-funny f-bombs to drive the point home, even if the point is “Hey!  We’re making a joke!”  It’s similar to how Famke Janssen (Goldeneye, X-Men) seems to act as if…                                  like that… she seems to stop caring anybody notices she is there.

Again (the again referring to me referring to my humbleness), in my humble opinion, Director Tommy Wirkola got his hands on something potentially good and somewhere between carefully shot action sequences and clichéd confrontations, he forgot to find someone to do a script polish to make this whole thing a little more fun!   While we all attentively listen to the (in all fairness) pretty original take on the Grimm story, most of what we do is see our two protagonists looking badass while carrying their weapons (which they look great doing) but coming up with our own "he/she should've saids..."  And because of that… sadly, “Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters” isn’t playful enough to be some good cheesy fun and too serious for its own good.  No, wait!!!  I meant to say, “It’s crumby!”  Dammit!  I’ve got to stop missing those!

D's Recommendation – 1 out of 5 – Not Sweet on This One

D's LIST

Between Rated D, Rated DVD, & D’s List This Edition Marks 200 Movies Reviewed!

"200 Views!"

Movies I’ve probably seen 200 times…

1.  Reservoir Dogs (1992) –

Favorite Line: “Alright Ramblers, let’s get ramblin’” 

Description:  After a botched robbery, a group of thieves try to determine who among them is “the rat”. 

D’s Scription:  You’ll never look at “Stuck in the Middle with You” the same way again.  This awesome, dialogue-based crime thriller in a warehouse was the first feature film by Writer-Director Quentin Tarentino.  It’s not quite as violent as his other films (with the exception of one scene, but even for Tarantino it’s toned down) but it’s every bit as cool and sharp.     

2.  Leon: The Professional (1994) – 

Favorite Line:  “Evvvvvveerrrryyyyooooonnnnnneeeeee!!!!!”

Description:  A twelve year old girl becomes a lonely hitman’s apprentice after her family is brutally murdered by corrupt cops.

D’s scription:  Such a simple tale that works incredibly well as a film.  The script and story are both very good, but really it’s the performances from Gary Oldman as a crooked, pill-popping detective, Jean Reno as an introverted hitman with a heart of gold, and the stunning breakout performance of the Miss Natalie Portman (who was just as good then as she is now).  There’s plenty of action and intense moments, but some of the best stuff comes between all of that as the troubled young Mathilda (Portman) and the lonely Leon (Reno) develop the unlikeliest of relationships.

3.  Scream (1996) –

Favorite Line:  “We’re gonna play a little game.  It’s called ‘Guess How I’m Gonna Die!’”

Description:  A small town is terrorized by a horror movie obsessed slasher in a ghost mask.

D’s Scription:  Based on that description, it’s amazing this movie is even still remembered.  Kevin Williamson, a fan of the genre, and Wes Craven, one of its forefathers, teamed up to create the anti-horror movie horror movie with this smart, analytical thriller that pays homage to its predecessors while calling them out their flaws… Hence why I was so disappointed during my Rated D – Scream 4.

4.  Chasing Amy (1997) – 

Favorite Line:  “Because you’re Holden f*cking McNeil, the most persistent traveler on the road that's NOT the path of least resistance!”

Description:  A comic book artist falls in love with a girl only to find she is a lesbian.

D’s Scription:  So it might not be the most existential movie that there is, but I still found it to be an excellent dramady years ago.  Kevin Smith says screw you to film standards and gives everyone a monologue and Ben Affleck shows us some of his finest acting before hibernating for several years and it all works out nicely on the screen.  Sure, this one might not be one that I’m dying to watch as much as I loved it back in 2001, but it’s still got a great indie feel and original script.

5.  The Rock (1996) –

Favorite Line:  “The Entire Script”

Description:  An aging spy and lab geek must stop an elite team of mercenaries who have taken over Alcatraz.

D’s Scription:  People say a lot about Michael Bay movies being crap… and most of it is true.  But that couldn’t be farther from correct when it comes to this film.  This is the template that all other action movies should use: a smart, funny script, three-dimensional characters, and action sequences and scenes that actually propel the story forward.  Without those things, this one could just be another forgettable, subpar explosion-fest, but instead, it remains fun and exhilarating 17 years later.

Rated DVD –

The Bourne Legacy –

Hmm… I think I liked it… right?

In the “Bourne” fashion, this one digs in midway through the already existing story and goes from there, cleverly taking advantage of our previous knowledge and instantly investing us in the story.  This time, however, we aren’t following the story of Jason Bourne; we’re following the story of Algernon… er… I mean… Aaron Cross (Jeremy Renner), another potential superspy who must escape from the clutches of his creators.

The newest installment in the “Bourne” series seems like less of a movie and more like part one of the next trilogy… and they’re not trying to hide it.  Don’t get me wrong, the action sequences are as good as usual and the “shaky-cam” or “my-God-he’s-having-a-seizure-cam” has gotten toned down a bit, but there are a whole lot of antagonists that we basically didn’t see for the last half hour of the movie.  Still, “Legacy”, while not breaking new ground (not yet anyways), offers up a mostly fun action flick that is attempting to build from here.  No, wait!  Give birth… uh… get born… Have a new franchise Bourne from here…. Nailed it?

Next Time on Rated D...

Warm Bodies – Like I said, it could be the movie of the year...

Rated D - Life of Pi

…in 3-D?  I guess just one D really is never enough!

Welcome Back to Rated D!

Namaste everyone!  This week I set out on an epic adventure, navigating the rough seas of traffic to see the new-ish film "Life of Pi".  SPOILER ALERT:  After a shipwreck over the Marianna Trench, a young man is stranded on a lifeboat with few supplies and a Bengal tiger.

I mentioned to a coworker that I was going to see this movie, to which she responded, “Have you read the book?  You won’t like it unless you read the book.” “Book about Pie,” I replied, “who wrote that?  Betty Crocker?”  I was immediately fired and thrown out of the building.  As security roughed me up and tossed me in the gutter, I couldn’t help but think about how many times I’ve heard variations of that: “You would’ve liked it if you read the book”… “Of course you didn’t get it, you didn’t read the book”… “You have to read the book to understand the ending”.  Sure, sometimes books make great movies, but the greatest ones are those that stand on their own.  In my opinion, movies should stand on their own and if the book it’s based on offers you some supplementary information, even better!  But the blame of a movie’s shortcomings should never be put upon the audience member for not having read the book first.  After all, no one had to read Jurassic Park to have a blast watching the movie and no one needed to read Twilight.  Period.

I usually don’t go to 3-D movies because they’re more expensive and because they’re terrible, but a few moments into this one, I actually kind of forgot about the awkward glasses I was wearing (as much as you can at least).  Director Ang Lee (Brokeback Mountain, The Hulk) wisely begins the film with a unique opening credit sequence that marvels at a menagerie of wild animals and captures the beauty and serenity of nature with his captivating 3-D lenses.  By the end of those several minutes, the usually jarring 3-D atmosphere felt as natural as most modern special effects which, to me, makes a world of difference in my viewing enjoyment.

Within moments we are introduced to a middle-aged man named Pi, played by Irrfan Khan (The Amazing Spider-Man, Slumdog Millionaire), who is being interviewed about his life by a struggling novelist, played by Rafe Spall (Prometheus, Anonymous).  It’s safe to say that there’s no need for a Spoiler Alert! and that Pi will survive his odyssey, but you as Khan’s tranquil Pi begins to spin his yarn, you care less about the suspense and wonder what we’re supposed to learn from his story.  After all, the writer has heard that Pi’s story could “make you believe in God”.

Periodically we check back in with Khan, who is excellent by the way, masterfully telling his story in a thoughtful, humble way, but most of the rest of the story is spent with the younger Pi, played by newcomer Suraj Sharma.  Pi, whose name is a reference to the ratio, develops his own belief system by cherry-picking from Hinduism, Catholicism, and Islam to get a better understanding of who God is much to the irritation of his father who believes in rationality and reasoning as his own religion.  Sharma, in literally his first role, shows plenty of talent and never loses the audience.  I did find myself wanting more from his performance, but he still impresses and by the end of the film it is a small complaint.  Eventually, after a lengthy stay in India gathering all the exposition we need for our journey, Pi and his family pack up their exotic animals and head for Canada in an attempt to avoid financial disaster.

What follows is a beautifully shot and surprisingly compelling story between a boy and a wild animal both versus and maybe communing with nature and maybe something more.  As if the spiritual symbolism and metaphors hadn’t already runneth over, we then actually watch Pi on an ark with the company of a Bengal tiger named Richard Parker.  The special effects team and cinematographers deserve the praise they’ve already received for the work they’ve done here.  I’ll admit, I wasn’t sold by the preview, but the way they capture the seclusion of the lifeboat on a seemingly endless Pacific Ocean surrounded by stars, whales, clouds, waves, and even a magnificent floating island is almost impossible to describe.  But most of all, the primarily CGI co-star Richard Parker is so lifelike that at times you begin to assume “Oh, that’s why they cast an unknown actor!  It will be easy to cover up when he is eaten by the tiger!”  Seriously, it is an extremely impressive feat that nearly steals the spotlight.

Pi, and Richard Parker, face all sorts of obstacles and navigate one calamity to the next in their Job-esque trial.  And, what’s funny is, although we know he will survive it all and be telling us this story form the safety of his home in Canada, the story remains interesting.  That being said, “Life of Pi” isn’t completely without surprise, but don’t worry, I wouldn’t want to spoil the ending.  I’ll just say… at its core it’s a movie that aims to find peace from disaster, meaning from chaos, and hope from turmoil, and come on… who couldn’t use a little of that?  Cue the “More You Know” star…. Now!

D's Recommendation – 3.5 out of 5 – One of the Few Movies I Recommend in 3-D

D's LIST

Since We Went to See the Joffrey Ballet Last Night…

"Dancin!  Dancin!  Dancin!"

Movies featuring Dance

1.  All That Jazz (1979) – “It’s Showtime!” Celebrated Choreographer Bob Fosse co-wrote and directed this semi-autobiographical movie about a womanizing, drug abusing dancer.  Roy Scheider razzle dazzles ‘em, singing and dancing and having heart attacks, as the film switches from the stripped down, frustrating world of theater to flashy imaginary musical numbers.  Apparently Fosse was inspired to write a “musical about his death” after suffering his first heart attack and All That Irony wasn’t as catchy.

2.  A Chorus Line (1985) – “What I did for love!”  This film adaptation of the long running musical wasn’t the greatest, but it wasn’t terrible either.  Just like the Pulitzer Prize winning stage show, the movie takes place over several hours of an intensely personal and emotionally exhausting audition process.  There’s nothing glaringly wrong with it, but some stories just work better live.

3.  Fame (2009) – “Lame!” So, up front, I’ve never seen the original, but that still doesn’t change the fact that this melodramatic waste was laughably terrible.  It lacks the honesty and vulnerability that made the other movies mentioned above so interesting and instead loads up on every overused stereotype in the theater handbook which makes everything artists do seem so trite and trivial… except for one dance number which I have to admit was pretty great.

4.  Center Stage (2000) – “Welcome to the Stage, Bi-otch!  Center Stage!”  Ok, that might not be a quote from this movie.  In fact, I only saw this one because my high school drama teacher thought that spending three class periods could really teach us a thing or two about acting.  From what I remember, it’s got few surprises and plenty of harmless drama like a polished up, CW series turned movie.  Take that however you’d like.  

5.  Black Swan (2010) – “She’s Gone!” Either you’ll really like or really hate this bizarre trip down Mental Breakdown Lane.  Natalie Portman won an Oscar for her portrayal of a fragile ballerina who literally begins to lose her grip on reality while trying to become the best.  This story could easily have fallen over the edge and become unintentionally hilarious, but instead it becomes a psychological quasi-horror flick that’s hard not to watch…. In fairness, Natalie Portman could play a fragile janitor struggling to be the best and I’d still say she deserves an Oscar.

Rated DVD –

The Amazing Spider-Man-

My favorite review of this movie was something to the effect of “Maybe they just left out the ‘–ly bad’ as in ‘The Amazingly Bad Spider-Man’”.  Now don’t get me wrong… I’m not a hater because of some blind devotion to the Sam Raimi “Spider Man Trilogy” starring Tobey McGuire or because it was the same origin story.  Sure, I thought it was a little soon for a reboot, but then I actually started to get excited for a fresh take on the well-known super-hero.  Still, it didn’t do it for me.

There’s not much of an effort to tweak the main storyline (with the exception of some clunky set-up scenes that have nothing to do with this plot and are simply there for the inevitable sequels) and the script is neither cheesy fun nor sharp and clever.  And even though they are kind of bound to the origin story, action scenes like dangling cars off a bridge didn’t have to be repeated.  As if the poor script and predictable story weren’t bad enough, the special effects are inexcusably bad for such a big budget summer blockbuster.

Next Time on Rated D...

The Master or Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters – One’s nominated for several Oscar’s but I’m not really interested… the other is called “Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters”.  So it’s anybody’s guess…