Tuesday, April 15, 2014

BACK IN THE SADDLE

Hey ho everybody,

Another Triumphant return to the blogosphere.  I hope this is a long running stint and don't foresee any major hiccups.  So lets get everybody caught up on what's been going on.

Strained my shoulder at CF so I ended up taking time off again.  I have a membership at Bayshore Atheltic Club (BAC), and wouldn't you know it... they finally got their Crossfit off the ground.  The surgeon general and I are now proud members of the "Bayshore Crossfit".

 Highly recommend it.  Coaches have been great, Workouts have been top notch... and you might even get a glimpse of the ever elusive Dools... if you're lucky.  For what some say is myth, others confirm as true.  Doesn't get much deeper than that.

In addition to the change in boxes, I've also been let go from Hamburg Sud as part of an unfortunate Lay off... no worries though, I've got an offer from another company here in Boston.  Yours Truly will not be departing the commonwealth anytime in the near future.  So it is all up hill from here...

Sidenote I think that expression is a bit of a misnomer isn't it...  "its all downhill from here" means it's going to get worse, where as going down hill is not only easier, but also fun in most sports involving a hill.  Ask any snowboarder or bobsledder, and going uphill kind of... well... sucks.  Anyways, not my call to make, but I hope everyone takes a good moment to think about that and agree with me...  to those who disagree....  too bad, get your own blog.

Back to business... unfortunate side effects of sedentary job, injury, and lets face it... out right laziness has added some poundage to the old mid section.  Aggressive goals have been set for the summer, as there are weddings to attend (oh yes... more weddings... so prepare for rants and my own blue collar review of the pending nuptials), triathlons to compete in, Falmouth road race...  and a very specific picture I want to take so that I can post it side by side of one of our favorite celebrities.

Moral of the story is big doings afoot!

Additionally we'll be re-vamping blogtown USA here, with some new additions from our "official Choreographer and technical advisor" as she parlays her skills into the fitness world.  Not to mention everyone's favorite movie reviewer returning with "Rated D's".  (I haven't told him but he's doing it or he'll be receiving several calls every morning to wake him up.  PLease note he is in pacific time and I am in eastern... so my 7 am is his 3 am)

As we said back at the Academy... "who motivates the motivator? The motivated motivates the motivator!" 

So onward and upward my good folks, and in the words of Sammy L. Jackson in Jurassic Park, "hang on to your butts."

Thursday, September 5, 2013

There goes my hero. Watch him as he goes.

Aside from that being one of the best songs of the 90's...

What is good in the virtual hood known more familiarly as the blog-o-sphere?  I wrapped work today and came into the living room with no particular expectations of glory.  The day was done for the most part.  Work check, work out check... what more could a man do with his day.

Then there it was... a light on the horizon. That scene where one Jonathan Moxon sat reading "Slaughterhouse 5" and then from a seated position fired a football across a field.  That is correct folks.  The classic piece of American from the year of the lord 1999 A.D. (or whatever year the jewish calendar says)....

VARSITY BLUES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love this movie.  First time I saw this bad larry was in the theatres at the Silver City Galleria.  I


mean that is where it was at on a Friday night in Raynham.  Ali Larter's debut.  Amy Smart as a red head.  Scott Kahn and Jon Voit.  The black guy and whoever played Billy Bob.  Most notably Mr. Van der Beak at the height of his Dawson-ocity.

Gotta say this one is a crafted masterpiece. In a time where people were wowed by the creepy thriller POV likings of Blair Witch Project, we still hustled out a real gem in VB.  AS the cool kids call it.  So here is your trivia.  If you google  it you are cheating.  So challenge yourself America...

1) What is Tweeter's 1st name? (only said twice in the movie)
2) What R&B hit is playing during the infamous "whipped Cream" bikini scene? (ironically paralleling the decision to cheat on his girlfriend)
3)  Name 5 of the names that Jonathan Moxon uses for the male erection in the Sex ED scene.
4)  What adjectives does Tweeter use to describe Ms. Davis' stage performance at the club (he only uses 2)
5)  Where did Lance have a full scholarship to, before blowing out his knee?

---------------------------------
In addition to my love of 90's film... I also have good news. 

As part of my Fitness Adventure Hike - Quest (FAH-Q)... I have rejoined CF781.  I am hoping to regain some sense of fitness in an otherwise crazy world.

I started on Tuesday and was able to go Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday... I am sore like you read about.  Good Sore.  But Sore.

Hoping to offset the workouts with some Cardio Mayhem with the infamous Senor Smileye.  Looking forward to getting the Bike/Track workouts in the afternoon.  This will be my own little double session, hard knocks, boot camp.

It the words of Rick Ross, "Everyday I'm hustling, hustling, hustle, hustling, hustling."

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

The Wicked D-ah-k Knight Rises


The most hated man in Boston.  Some say they hate him.  Some say he’s charming.  Some say he can’t be forgiven for the mistakes he made in his past.  Some say he is innocent.  Some say he deserves to die. 

“Man, I’m wicked glad I’m not that guy!” – Whitey Bulger on Affleck being cast as Batman

That’s right, folks!  My prophecy has come true.  Those of you who know me well have frequently heard me make the claim, “Buddy ol’ pal, one of these days Ben Affleck will unite the people as one!”  Well… hate to say I told you so.  Partly because it sounds smug and also because I’ve never said that thing about Affleck uniting anyone… ‘til now*.

*You'll get the full effect by doing your best Christian Bale Batman voice while saying "til now"  

Anywho… By now you’ve heard the story, found it wasn’t a prank, and then proceeded to read/listen to everyone’s attempt at being the first to make the “Matt Damon as Robin joke”.  However you learned, we were all somewhere when the news broke.  Some of you were folding laundry.  Some of you were in class.  And, let’s face it.  Some of you were probably absentmindedly checking Facebook on the toilet.  Just like when Kennedy was shot.  Wherever you were, one thing suddenly became clear as day:  everyone has an opinion about Ben Affleck.  Everyone and their moms.  And holy virtual crap, Batman… most of them are negative.

In all seriousness, maybe we shouldn’t be discussing this in all seriousness.   But in half-seriousness, let’s all take a breath, calm down, have a snack, and listen to Old Uncle D ramble on for a few mildly amusing paragraphs.  Before we go further, however, in the interest of full disclosure, I should admit that I am an Affleck fan.  It’s true.  We’re out there.  We look just like you.  We’re your bankers, your teachers, your Wal-Mart greeters… I think… I hope.

In my humble opinion (…because as you know humble opinions are always expressed by amateur bloggers on the web for all to see…) there are a few things that we should take into consideration before we start writing petitions to the White House about… huh?... what’s that?... seriously?... well, we should look at them anyway.

No one’s worse than Ben Affleck!
First of all, you’re wrong.  You’re wrong and you’re fat!  Okay, that was out of line.  But still, he’s not as bad as the faceless mobs on the internet would have you believe.  You may have some weird personal vendetta against the guy, but just because I don’t personally like Milli Vanilli doesn’t mean those guys couldn’t sing something fierce.  Go ahead, try to blame it on the rain.
 
He’s made some crappy films!
Patton Oswalt already beat me to the punch when he stated “Yeah, the dude’s made some bad films.  Every actor has.  Every actor does.  Every actor will.  On top of that, not a lot of people have handled their failures with a braver self-depracating humor than he has.  By the way, if someone offered you a few million dollars to be in a twisty, action thriller with Academy Award Nominee Gary Sinise and have a love scene with Charlize Theron… you’d probably say yes and worry about it later as well.  If you need more proof though, check this out: Top 10 Affleck Performances

Remember ‘Daredevil’…
This one, I will give it to you, but maybe not for the same reason.  Whether it had been a good movie or not, I’m just not a huge fan of the same actor playing separate superheroes, at least within such a close time frame.  There’s just something about The Human Torch and Capt. America being played by Chris Evans (even though I liked Evans as the Star Spangled Man with a Plan) or Ryan Reynolds playing Deadpool and The Green Lantern (even though I like Ryan Reynolds) that irks me.

Affleck’s just not dark enough!
Come on!  You think you had a rough week?  Affleck apparently invented time travel only to accidentally travel back to 2004.  Guy is on top of the world, winning Oscars, married to Jennifer Garner with three kids, finally got passed that level of Candy Crush that’s been holding him back for weeks… and then BOOM!  The internet fills up with Afflection (a word similar to affliction to describe the hatred people feel specifically towards Ben)!  As if losing everything…  his career, his fiancĂ©, his dignity… as if that wasn’t enough ten years ago, he’s getting a clear reminder of how cruel anyone with a keyboard and internet connection can be.  Maybe that’s all this is.  Maybe America is just trying to help him get into character.

So in conclusion, you don’t have to be excited about the Affleck Bat Flick.  I wasn’t when I heard.  Then again, I wasn’t angry either, just surprised.  He might be good, he might be not so good.  But if you can learn anything from casting choices in movies, it is that no one, no matter who you cast, will guarantee a good movie.  Even if you got Christian Bale back it’s not a sure thing or even if you somehow convinced someone like… I don’t know… George Clooney to play Batman.  I kid, I kid.

Let’s all just be happy that if you can care even a little bit about this, life ain’t that bad right now.  Oh, and lastly by the way, since when did people suddenly start saying “Man of Steel” was such a great movie in the first place?

Yours,
Gorilla Man

Monday, August 26, 2013

La da di da di... Rolling with Miley/Molley.

Couple of things here...

Item numero uno. Full on week 1 of the 15 week Fitness Adventure Hike - Quest (FAH-Q). We are in full swing baby. Got the goals set, check... schedule of gym attendance check...  Weight watcher's point system check... This thing is on like donkey kong, eating a prawn, in a thong.

So this year represents 10 years since my blood decided to go on strike and... whats the medical term?  Oh ya, stop pumping.  You know what happens in that situation?  Basically you die. 

So there I was, straight outta the federal academy, athlete, good shape.  Living life like an *sshole.  Drinking, smoking, and just being unhealthy... but straight awesome.  All of a sudden my arteries and veins became Rt 93 N at 08:30 in the morning... Blood clots for days and no actual flow to the brainski.

Were it not for the good folk at Mass General and my superhuman ability to almost (but not actually) die, then this little piggy wouldn't be going to market. Technical term is Acute Deep Veinous Thrombosis, but to all you lay persons... a Stroke.

Kicker ----  Guess the date this occurred. December 25, 2003. Seriously??  who has a stroke at 22??  This guy!  Well here we are anyways... fast forward 10 years.


So the deadline (no pun intended) is 12/25/13. Goal is to weigh the same weight I did in 2003.  That means 220 lbs.  I'm going togive myself 1 lb because I believe that it is acceptable to gain 1 lbs in 10 years. 

So everyone get on board for fun, party time, USA.  265 lbs - 220 lbs = 45 lbs to lose.  15 weeks to lose it.  3 lbs a week.  Doable.  So get some!

OK... BIG SECONDARY ITEM OF THE DAY. 

Everybody needs to get off Miley Cyrus' case.  People should remember that all performances are contextual. You know what I am saying?  Read the room brah.  Read the room.

If you go to a club (strip or otherwise) and you see women in full work attire reading "Little


Women"... you'd be disappointed.  To all the lying, wingnuts that will quickly say "no I wouldn't"... Guess what? no one is buying your non-sense, so quit selling it. 

Back to the point... Now if you walk into the library and find a girl dancing on a table to "pour some sugar on me"... then you would likely be a little put off.  Personally, i'd be surprised, but not disappointed, but that's me.

So I think all the high and mighty people that are shocked that MTV should sit down and have a nice warm cup of shut the hell up.  Shocking that a network... a network that has made billions of US Dollars off classy shows such as Jersey Shore, Real World, Caged, Buckwild, Spring Break, and the empire's crown jewel 16 AND PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!  Discovery channel got eviscerated for "megaladon", but we've all been endorsing the elusive "Mega -la - douche" on MTV.

These guys are basically a step above a porn channel.  The VMA's and the Movie Awards are basically the Frat House equivalent of the Grammy's and the Oscars.  People are only mad because more people watch the frat house stuff than the portentios moanings of the supreme "artists".I think everyone should ease the hell up and accept what the bored Housewives of the 80's already went to war over. MTV is inappropriate, edgy, racey, pornographic, and basically what most people would do if they didn't have to exist in real life.

Back to Miley.  Lay off my girl.  She is young, hot, rich, and a girl's gotta do what a girls gotta do.  I say rock on with your bad self.  She isn't huring anybody.  Nobody actually got on Madonna's side until 20 years after she wasn't cool enough to be on MTV, starting faking a british accent, and became Jewish.

Anyone who is mad she isn't a classy role model, should maybe watch more PBS and less MTV.  You're looking for water in a desert.

"I'm shocked.  Shocked to find gambling at this establishment"

Thursday, August 22, 2013

HERE COMES THE HOTSTEPPER....

Murderer!  I'm a living in a danger!


That's my nod to the man, the myth, the guy no one will remember in 5 years... Senor Hernandez. 
 
Straight outta the mean streets of Connecticut.  Look like a thug, act like a thug, go to jail like a thug.  Street cred up the wazoo... and boatload of talent down the drain.

If Ben Affleck doesn't write, direct, star, and co-star in a Patriot/Hernandez "longest Mile"... well hell... I don't even want to live in that world.

So... Cardio Mayhem with my boy Smiley (oddly not a Latin King). Triathlete in training.  Please step aside.  Hit the roads for a 9 mile bike ride and a 2 mile run.  Then home where the Surgeon General was cooking up steak tips. 

Not gonna lie... every now and then it is pretty sweet being me.

Let's cut to brass tacks though people.  I have 2 items burning a hole in my brain that have little, actually nothing, to do with Fitness.  So buckle up and hold on. It's gonna get weird in here.

1) Everybody and their brother is coming out of the wood work to say that Olympus has fallen is a
good movie.  Get your head out of your.. I mean... c'mon.  I get that movies are fiction, but can we all please get behind the idea that the most secure building in the country cannot be taken down the cast of "Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon", led to victory by the Asian guy from the Original Fast and the Furious??? I mean really.  Who else was waiting for him to randomly appear in a wife beater and yell, "Torretto! Swat raided my house! Disrespected my family!"

This movie was a catastrophe.  Don't care about good acting, fun music score, or cool explosion.  If the sum total is a turd, then we shouldn't be looking for a high fiber count in it.

2)  Beards are seriously creeping me out.  I have yet to see someone look good in a beard.  Yea, when you did it for charity we all lied and said, "wow, that is a nice beard."  It was in context.  It's like carrying a baby.  Everyone says, "oh cute baby!"  Guess what.... Statistically speaking not all babies are cute... This is just proof that people are lying and it's time that we all get behind the idea, that beards went out after Lincoln, and some babies are ugly. 

Whew.  Feeling better!

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

RETURN OF THE MACK.... and me too

Heyo Heyo Heyo,

What is good in the virtual hood Dooley Noted Nation?

I am not going to lie... We have let this ship founder without a captain or a rudder.  Everyone feeling the nautical theme?  I hope so, cuz I was laying it on pretty thick.

Anyways, the world has been rapidly spinning on it's axis and time has been flying as a product there of.  The Spring came.  The spring went.  The summer came.  The summer is about to leave.  It is a time like this that I am led to start thinking "how can I be of service to humanity?"

The only answer is to jump back into the blog-o-sphere and bring people the nuggets of brilliance that is my brand of humor.  Not to be confused with Gorilla Man's almost brilliant brand of humor.  It's like white vs. off white.  Kind of looks the same, but if you catch it in the right light... you see what I am saying.

So... New game plan for the Nation.  The blog will continue to consist of Fitness and work out non - sense as I am beginning a new fitness Challenge.  Additionally we will have movie reviews from Rated D (with counterpoints when I am so inclined), and the occasional comical rants.  My goal is to be a 50/50 split with fitness and entertainment.

Any questions? No? Good.

Soooooo... the new fitness challenge is named appropriately by a fitness colleage and member of the Red Head persuasion.  I am embarking on the "Fitness Adventure Hike - Quest" or "FAH-Q"  for short.  Thank you for the name Ginger Bear (formerly known as Neilsy / scotty 2 hotty)! 

It is wildly appropriate as it is the only sentiment I feel as I bumble along the road looking like what I imagine the "Stay Puft" marshmallow man would look like as a person.  So FAH-Q!  Everyone FAH-Q.  Feel free to join me if you too have had it up to here with all those people running with no shirts and girls in sports bras.

For the record if I ever get down to 220 lbs... i'll absolutely be one... but for the time being FAH-Q.

So as we start the journey  we benchmark...  265Lbs... 45 lbs to go until shirtless, fun, party time, USA.

Welcome Back Dooley Noted Nation.... and who else is looking to hear more "Vengaboys" in the year 2014? 


Sunday, February 24, 2013

Rated D - Oscar Edition


Welcome to a Special Rated D Oscar Edition!

With Hollywood’s biggest awards show just hours away, I wanted to bring you some of my picks from 2012’s year in movies.  From Historical flicks and bio-pics to Broadway song and dance and bipolar romance, it’s been a lot of fun.  Below you will find a list of my favs or perhaps just some inevitables!

Best Picture:  Argo
But Maybe…:  Lincoln
Everything about “Lincoln” looks and sounds great and there is no shortage of fine performances, but I bet “Argo” will take home the gold.  On top of it being a suspenseful ride with an incredible plot and a sharp screenplay, it is about Hollywood saving lives and outsmarting terrorists.  Lincoln” was excellent and “Silver Linings Playbook” was one of my personal favs of the year, but like they say “Argo” big or “Argo” home*.

*From the Corrections Department:  No one has ever said “Argo” big or “Argo” home.

Best Director:  Steven Spielberg
But Maybe…:  Ang Lee
This one is a tough call, primarily because Ben Affleck should be winning for “Argo”, but it’s probably safe to assume that Spielberg will collect his third statue for “Lincoln”.  He spent more than a decade struggling to make this picture and it was worth it, but Ang Lee, who won in 2006 for “Brokeback Mountain”, hasn’t been counted out yet for his visually stunning “Life of Pi”.  Again, David O. Russell deserves the acknowledgement for “Playbook”, but I don’t think he will be able to wrestle the statue away from his competitors.  But don’t feel too bad for, Ben.  Even though Spielberg’s epic has garnered a whopping 13 nominations, I’m sure Affleck will be Garner-ing some awards of his own tonight, if you know what I mean. 

Best Actor:  Abraham Lincoln
But Maybe…:  That Daniel Day-Lewis Guy
Yeah, there is no maybe.  Daniel Day-Lewis’s transformation into the 16th President has cast a huge shadow over his very worthy nominees and he will most certainly be collecting his third Oscar for Best Actor this year.  Perhaps in another year Bradley Cooper, Denzel Washington, and Joaquin Phoenix could’ve had an interesting race, but unless Tortoise and The Hare rules still apply at The Oscars we probably won’t see any big surprises in this category.

Best Actress:  Jennifer Lawrence
But Maybe…:  Jessica Chastain
Jessica Chastain has had some great roles over the past couple of years, but my money is on Jennifer Lawrence who continues to boggle my mind.  After her forgettable performance in “The Hunger Games” just months earlier, Lawrence turned around blew audiences away as a grieving widow in “Silver Linings Playbook”.  It isn’t 100% though… Chastain and Lawrence both won Golden Globes just weeks ago so it isn’t quite a sure thing.  In the unlikely event of a tie, either Chastain will have a dance off or Lawrence will have to take on Seal Team Six.  Hey, I don’t make the rules.

Best Supporting Actor:  Tommy Lee Jones
But Maybe…:  Christoph Waltz
As a politely lethal bounty hunter in “Django Unchained”, Waltz stole the show, but I think Tommy Lee Jones might take home his second Academy Award in the same category since winning in 1993 for “The Fugitive”.  Both actors delivered excellent performances this year, but Jones’s stone-faced, radical abolitionist will probably win over the pleasant sharpshooter dentist, played by Waltz.  Plus, as I’ve said before, Waltz’s character was very similar to the “Jew Hunter” from “Inglorious Basterds” for which he won the Oscar just a couple of years ago and although both performances were great, I don’t see the Academy rewarding him twice for it.  If anything, Robert De Niro who impressed as an OCD gambler could surprise us with his third win.

Best Supporting Actress:  Anne Hathaway
But Maybe…: Hell will freeze over.
Anne Hathaway about her… don’t know what it is… but The Oscars can’t go on without her… As much as I did not care for the three hours I spent watching “Les Miz”, I might have to watch it again to understand what it is that made everyone go crazy for Anne.  Typically in America, we watch someone tell some sad story about their life, then they struggle to sing a song, shakily and often crying, and then we laugh as a British guy says “That was the worst thing I’ve ever heard” or a Producer says “Nah, I wasn’t feelin’ it dog”, but on “French Revolution Idol” we give them Oscars.  I can understand what people like about her performance, but I just didn’t catch the same Fantine Fever.  Get it?  Cause she dies of Tuberculosis.

Best Animated Film:  Wreck-It Ralph
But Maybe…: Brave
This one could really go either way.  Pixar stayed solid this year with the always amazing animation of “Brave”, but Disney Animation won me over with the story of the secret lives of video games in “Wreck-It Ralph”.  If we’re just basing it on the animation, the breathtaking landscapes of Scotland and Princess Merida’s wild, tangled mess of red hair probably have it all locked up, but, as a whole, I felt like the story was lacking a little (which is usually something Pixar does amazingly well).  Wreck-It Ralph” on the huge, smashing hand not only had a hilarious script and a lot of heart, the story was fresh and fun and the clever nuances made it fun for all ages. 

Best Original Screenplay:  Django Unchained
But Maybe…:  Zero Dark Thirty
Mark Boal, who won the same award for “The Hurt Locker” in 2010, is nominated again for his behind the scenes look at the epic hunt for Osama Bin Ladin while the Vicar of Violence and King of Retro Cool, Quentin Tarentino, is looking to pick up his second award for the story of a slave turned bounty hunter in pre-Civil War Era South.  Zero Dark Thirty” is as interesting as it is informative, but my favorite of the nominated films goes to “Django Unchained”.  The comedy, action, drama, and cartoonish violence blend perfectly together and works even against the disturbing period of American History in which the film takes place.



Best Adapted Screenplay:  Argo
But Maybe…:  Lincoln
Both bring stories of real Americans, some legendary and some otherwise unknown, but Chris Terrio’s “Argo” based on CIA Agent Tony Mendez’s The Master of Disguise and Joshuah Bearman’s article Escape from Tehran is my pick.  Pulitzer Prize winner Tony Kushner’s wonderful “Lincoln” based on the book A Team of Rivals could still pull out a victory, but odds ARe GOod for “Argo”.  Nailed it!

So there you have it!  Either way, it was a good year for movies and that makes me smile.  Sure I talk about movies and entertainment a lot but I think it’s just as important to society as enjoying sporting events, reading books, and visiting museums.  Sometimes they are just to take our mind off of a difficult world for a couple of hours.  Sometimes they challenge us to examine the world in which we live.  And sometimes they aim to educate us through a visual medium.  And perhaps the most important lesson we’ve learned this year is this:  Ben Affleck is the man.  That’s what I’ve been saying.

Enjoy the show!